Twice today I stopped in the middle of doing something and asked “why am I here, what is my life purpose?” This isn’t the first time this has happened and I’m sure it won’t be the last until I am in the place that I am doing my life’s work. I’m in a state of reflection, wondering, searching, questioning and such. I have been here before more than once. It usually happens when I feel…stuck in a rut. Not necessarily depressed, just stuck and unfulfilled with that nagging feeling that there is something more.
I was blessed with my job close to two years ago. I know in my heart that this job was a blessing given to me and is a gateway to allow me the flexibility I need to figure something else out. Prior to this I was finishing up my graduation/attendance of something I’ve always wanted to do, culinary school. I have always had a passion for cooking and the opportunity to attend culinary school was such an amazing experience. The only thing is I don’t see how it really ties into my life purpose. I don’t see myself entering the culinary field in any other way than on my terms. I know in my heart that working in someone else’s kitchen is not what is going to bring me any type of fulfillment and realistically will end up having me dislike one of the things that I am so passionate about. Sooooo what then?
I keep waiting for that Aha moment to come to me. I have always felt that in someway I am meant to be a teacher not like a math or English type of teacher but more of a life teacher. I just don’t really know how or where that is suppose to fit into my future. I am so far from where I thought I would be by now in my life. You know what I mean right? When you used to imagine what your life would be like when you were younger? I would have been married by now in a beautiful house with a white picket fence and a couple of kids. Well, I have the kids and I love them to death and could never imagine my life without them, but the husband and house never quite made it into the equation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok with that…I suppose. I mean I know my life purpose was not and is not to be a house wife (no disrespect to those that are).
Life is a puzzle of a million different pieces and each experience I go through is yet another piece that fits to create the final puzzle. My puzzle is no where close to being complete, there are still quite a few pieces left. I just can’t seem to find any that fit right now. In time right?
Just another day in the life of my thoughts….