Heavy Heart…

My heart has been extremely heavy over the last few weeks…

My mind on complete overload…

All the while I have tried to counter balance the heaviness with positive thoughts and the motto “it could always be worse”.  Truth is I’m tired.  Tired of being tired and tired of always at some point in time returning to this place.  I don’t even know the exact reason why I’m feeling so down.  What comes to mind is loneliness.  It could be the upcoming holidays, in fact I am pretty sure that has a huge part to play.  I thought the holidays were suppose to bring happiness and cheer.  I’ve been stressed about money (nothing new) I’ve had to continue to remind myself that no matter what, things always work out.  I always manage to pull it together and at the end of the day I know that I have so much more than some others who struggle much more that I do.  I’m just tired.  Tired of always having to do it alone.  Tired of not having someone in my life to share it all with. 

I wonder sometimes do I even know how to do that?  Share my life with someone…

It has been so long and I am so set in my ways of doing things.  I also wonder sometimes if I’m just not meant to be with anyone.  Maybe I’m one of those people who is meant to stay single.  Then I think, that can’t possibly be.  I have so much love in my heart.  My choices in men have not really been my strong suit.  Sad but true.  I tend to feel “connections” with men that for whatever reason, seem to be in some way or fashion unavailable.  

I wasn’t intending to make this post about my relationship status.  Loneliness can really suck! 

What I know in my heart is that I’ve got to snap out of this funk.  I have a few thoughts in my mind on possible hobbies I can pick up during this time, in the hopes that it will give me some kind of a release on the negativity.  Now I just need to gain the strength to put them in action.  Crazy thing is I’m tired of that part too.  Tired of having to pull myself up.  I’m sure that sounds terrible but it’s true.  Why do I even have to be in a place to feel compelled to pick myself up?  This place is so familiar to me that it bothers me.  I find myself thinking, here we go again.  Will this place ever not be a part of my life?  Coping with it has gotten easier over the years so for that I am extremely thankful.  

So in the meantime I will just continue to try to remember my positive thoughts in the midst of the negative and know that this too shall pass…

Just another day in the life of my thoughts…

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4 thoughts on “Heavy Heart…

  1. I totally understand where you’re coming from. Life hits us hard sometimes. It is as you say though, everything does tend to work out in the end. Cold comfort, I know! True nonetheless. 🙂
    Thank you for following! I look forward to reading your thoughts. 🙂

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