Here we go AGAIN…

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I’m not quite sure which is worse…walking around my home that is currently filled with serious emotional tension between my mom and I, or the frustration that I feel inside myself for even having to deal with it in the first place.

Long story short (if that is possible) As I have previously mentioned I sleep on my couch while I let her have my bedroom.  Mind you…it has been a year and a half (yes I’m counting) that I have been living in this way.  I don’t enter my room for much, as it is in quite a state considering my mother is not the tidiest person in the world.  With that being said, I have minimal….absolutely no privacy whatsoever.  I very much value my weekends that I am able to sleep in a bit longer that usual.  Well when you live in your living room that is adjacent to the kitchen, dining room, front door etc.  there tends to be traffic on a constant basis between my kids and her.  On Sunday I lost it….completely.  After being woken up twice from her leaving the house and then returning, I simply couldn’t take it any more so I yelled out my frustration that sounded a little something like this “I have NOOOOOO PRIVACY, I can’t even sleep in without being interrupted, I have no place in my home that I can just go to not be bothered, I can’t sleep in my bed and shut the door, this is just ridiculous” I was still laying down and my mother was paused at the doorway.  She said nothing, proceeded to walk up the stairs to “the” room.  By that point I figured any hope of me getting any more sleep was over, so I got up.  She waited for me to get in the shower to go downstairs to the kitchen.  When I did return back to the living room she was in the kitchen getting something to eat and proceeded to instead of sit at the table, pull up a small step stool inside the kitchen so she could sit and eat.  I was even more irritated, so I left the house.

We have not spoken to each other since.  Just walking around the house ignoring each other. Part of me feels like I should apologize and the other part feels justified in my frustration.  Part of me is mad a hell that I am living in my home in this way while the other part feels hopeless.  I don’t know how much longer I can do this while at the same time manage to keep my sanity.  I’m actually surprised that I haven’t lost it already.

Thought maybe if I wrote it down I could release some of the frustration.  We shall see…

Just another day in the life of my thoughts…

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Closed mouth don't get fed....

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