Here we go AGAIN…


I’m not quite sure which is worse…walking around my home that is currently filled with serious emotional tension between my mom and I, or the frustration that I feel inside myself for even having to deal with it in the first place.

Long story short (if that is possible) As I have previously mentioned I sleep on my couch while I let her have my bedroom.  Mind you…it has been a year and a half (yes I’m counting) that I have been living in this way.  I don’t enter my room for much, as it is in quite a state considering my mother is not the tidiest person in the world.  With that being said, I have minimal….absolutely no privacy whatsoever.  I very much value my weekends that I am able to sleep in a bit longer that usual.  Well when you live in your living room that is adjacent to the kitchen, dining room, front door etc.  there tends to be traffic on a constant basis between my kids and her.  On Sunday I lost it….completely.  After being woken up twice from her leaving the house and then returning, I simply couldn’t take it any more so I yelled out my frustration that sounded a little something like this “I have NOOOOOO PRIVACY, I can’t even sleep in without being interrupted, I have no place in my home that I can just go to not be bothered, I can’t sleep in my bed and shut the door, this is just ridiculous” I was still laying down and my mother was paused at the doorway.  She said nothing, proceeded to walk up the stairs to “the” room.  By that point I figured any hope of me getting any more sleep was over, so I got up.  She waited for me to get in the shower to go downstairs to the kitchen.  When I did return back to the living room she was in the kitchen getting something to eat and proceeded to instead of sit at the table, pull up a small step stool inside the kitchen so she could sit and eat.  I was even more irritated, so I left the house.

We have not spoken to each other since.  Just walking around the house ignoring each other. Part of me feels like I should apologize and the other part feels justified in my frustration.  Part of me is mad a hell that I am living in my home in this way while the other part feels hopeless.  I don’t know how much longer I can do this while at the same time manage to keep my sanity.  I’m actually surprised that I haven’t lost it already.

Thought maybe if I wrote it down I could release some of the frustration.  We shall see…

Just another day in the life of my thoughts…


Closed mouth don't get fed....

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