A Word On Spitefulness…

Have you ever gone through a situation in your life that had such a negative impact that you wanted someone else to be able to experience it too? NOT for the purpose of them having to endure the negative experience, but simply for them to be able to better understand the what and why of how you chose to deal with the issue. The thing is…no one and I mean no one can ever fit inside your shoes and walk the same path as you. My life story and your life story are not and never will be one in the same. People may be able to relate to certain situations but each and everyone is unique in the way that they process their personal life experiences which is why we should try as hard as we can to not intentionally hurt those who surround us. It is inevitable that because we each process things differently that hurt feelings will occur but there is a difference in deliberately hurting someone vs. speaking your truth and having that hurt someone. Never apologize for speaking your truth as long as in your heart you know that it was never meant to intentionally hurt another. On the other hand, if you are a person who intentionally does spiteful things in order to hurt another person then shame on you and may God have mercy on your soul!

There truly is nothing more heart breaking than a person who finds some type of enjoyment at the expense of another human being.  Isn’t life hard enough?  This shit is quite twisted if you ask me and said person should seek professional help immediately!  I mean let’s be real here…I think there is a certain level of spitefulness in everyone, especially when triggered by hurt feelings but at some point on the in between there has to be a light bulb that goes off reminding us that two wrongs don’t make a right and when that happens then we make amends for our part in any wrongdoing.

The point I am trying to make here is that there are those people who will continually do things out of spite over and over again as if it is completely natural and completely justified.  What part of their brain isn’t functioning?  I’m over it and I’m over the emotional roller coaster involved with dealing with such people.  The hard part is when these types of people are your immediate family members but hear me when I say that no one has the right to treat you with the utmost disrespect in order for them to somehow feel better about themselves, not matter who they are.  Cute em loose and feel proud for doing so!

Just another day in the life of my thoughts….

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Lord Grant Me The Serenity…

I took a u-turn and traveled backwards smack dab at the doorsteps to….love, lust,longing,  insecurities, fear, frustration, but most of all familiarity.

I couldn’t help myself, or so I have whispered in my own ear.

I was so strong for so long refusing to allow myself to even look back in that direction knowing that if I did I would find myself…here.

I missed him…

immensely…

so much so that my fingers somehow had a mind of their own and I found them dialing the numbers that I somewhat convinced myself I wouldn’t remember if I deleted them.  I did remember and deep down I knew in my heart that he would pick up and as sure as I felt it…he did.

That voice…

melted my heart just as if all this time hadn’t passed without hearing it.

That laugh…

allowed my heart to skip a beat and grin from ear to ear.

How is it that one person can have this much of an effect on another even after so much time has passed?

We met up late in the wee hours of the morning…

The connection just the same, no awkwardness.

We talked and remained mostly above the surface with a few moments of digging a bit deeper.

He pulled me close and held me as he once did so tightly…silence…but comfort all the same.

This was the furthest I would allow the moment to go because I knew if I went too far I would be lost again forever.

I didn’t want to leave but I chose me first this time…

Yet, left behind is the lingering want for more…

So now I return to the 12 steps and repeat silently to myself:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.